THE EX-FILES ABACUS
eX-Files SCARE-O-METER
Producer LaToya Ferguson, a self-described “scaredy-cat” ranks each episode for her fellow scaredy-cats on a scale of 1/5 so you can prepare, hide under the covers, etc.
S3E1 “The Blessing Way”
1.15/5 HOMICIDE VICTIMS’ BODIES DISCOVERED AT CITY DUMP
S3E2 “Paper Clip
1.15/5 ELABORATE CONSPIRACIES AGAINST THE AMERICAN PUBLIC
S3E3 “D.P.O.”
2.75/5 JELLY DONUTS (They’re From Yesterday, But They’re Still Good)
S3E4 “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose”
1.5/5 URANUSES (hehe) UNLIMITED
S3E5 “The List”
1.15/5 YOU KNOW, IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE…S (“Written & Directed by Chris Carter”)
S3E6 “2Shy”
5/5 LATOYA OFFICIALLY* QUITS THE PODCAST
S3E7 “The Walk”
1/5 DEATHS OF MY ADJUTANT
S3E8 “Oubliette”
3/5 KIDNAP VICTIMS GOTTA STICK TOGETHER
S3E9 “Nisei”
1/5 STATE DEPARTMENT(S) BREATHING DOWN MY NECK
S3E10 “731”
1/5 LIMITS TO MY KNOWLEDGE
S3E11 “Revelations”
1.15/5 FAINT FLORAL ODORS
S3E12 “War of the Coprophages”
5/5 NOPE NOPE NOPES (aka 5/5 GIRLIE SCREAMS)
S3E13 “Syzygy”
1/5 CULT MEMBER WANTS TO KIDNAP YOU AND SACRIFICE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A VIRGIN
S3E14 “Grotesque”
1/5 MALES, AGED 17-25
S2E1 “Little Green Men”
1.5/5 What’s The Difference Between A Lap Dance & A Table Dances
S2E2 “The Host”
5 (but really higher than 5)/5 I Hate This I Hate This I Am Quitting The Podcasts
S2E3 “Blood”
2.75/5 Experimental Pesticides Responsible for Violent Behavior
S2E4 “Sleepless”
1.5/5 Different Dyssomnias & Parasomnias
S2E5 “Duane Barry”
1.5/5 Psychopaths Who Took a Bullet in the Head
S2E6 “Ascension”
1/5 Turning One Man’s Religion Into A Crusades
S2E7 “3”
1.75/5 Writings On The Wall Written In The Victim’s Blood
S2E8 “One Breath”
1/5 Controlled Slides That Would Make Elena Gilbert Proud
S2E9 “Firewalker”
1.5/5 Seriously, We *Still* Have “Ice” At Homes
S2E10 “Red Museum”
1.4/5 Kids As Guinea Pigs
S2E11 “Excelcis Dei”
1.15/5 Mushrooms We Take To Speak To The Dead
S2E12 “Aubrey”
2.375/5 Mutator Genes That Have Activated Previously Dormant Genes
S2E13 “Irresistible”
3.475/5 Devils In A Buttoned Down Shirt
S2E14 “Die Hand Die Verletzt”
3/5 Crap That’s On Geraldo
S2E15 “Fresh Bones”
2.3/5 Trace Levels of Tetodotoxin
S2E16 “Colony”
1.3/5 Forces That I Came To Believe Were Extraterrestrial
S2E17 “End Game”
1.05/5 Orders From My Ophthamologist
S2E18 “Fearful Symmetry”
1/5 Very Big, Very Willful Animals
S2E19 “Dod Kalm”
1/5 Wrinkle in Times (Wrinkles in Time?)
S2E20 “Humbug”
3/5 Tabernacles of Terror
S2E21 “The Calusari
2.2/5 Problems with the Wiring
S2E22 “F.Emasculata”
2.35/5 Chances the Men Who Escaped are Infected
GROSS RANKING 5/5 I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT
S2E23 “Soft Light”
1/5 Shadows Cast
S2E24 “Our Town”
1/5 Outsiders We Have To Deal With
S2E25 “Anasazi”
1.25/5 Trained Killers, School of the Americas Alumni
S1E1 “Pilot”
2.5/5 Grey Metallic Implants
S1E2 “Deep Throat”
1/5 Budahases
S1E3 “Squeeze”
4/5 Ripped Out Livers**
S1E4 “Conduit”
1/5 Middle Of The Night Sunburns
S1E5 “The Jersey Devil”
1.5/5 Gnawed Off Appendages
S1E6 “Shadows”
1/5 Abnormal Post-Mortem Muscle Reflexes***
S1E7 “Ghost In The Machine”
1/5 Non-Murderous Scruffy Minds
S1E8 “Ice”
3.5/5 Droppin’ My Cargo For No Ones
S1E9 “Space”
1/5 Sculpted Human Faces
S1E10 “Fallen Angel”
1/5 “Meteors”
S1E11 “Eve”
3/5 Tender Hearts In A Blender
S1E12 “Fire”
2/5 Three-Pipe Problems
S1E13 “Beyond the Sea”
1/5 Thousands of Souls Entering My Body
S1E14 “Genderbender”
2.5/5 Ultimate Sex Magnets
S1E15 “Lazarus”
1/5 Love Affairs I Almost Envy
S1E16 “Young At Heart”
1/5 Funerals for Fox’s Friends
S1E17 “E.B.E.”
2.75/5 Governments Within A Governmen
S1E18 “Miracle Man”
1/5 Hallelujah, Praise Gods
S1E19 “Shapes”
1.5/5 Awoos
S1E20 “Darkness Falls”
2.95/5 We Have “Ice” At Homes
S1E21 “Tooms”
3.475/5 Separate Standards for Agent Scully and Agent Mulder
S1E22 “Born Again”
1/5 I Swear We’ve Seen This Episode Multiple Times Already This Season…
Only Now There Is Origami
S1E23 “Roland”
This episode was skipped so we could do a deeper dive episode on the treatment of
autistic /neurodivergent characters in 90s media
S1E24 “The Erlenmeyer Flask”
1/5 Trust… Trust… No One
**Rating taken from episode guest and fellow scaredy-cat, Hrishi Hirway
***Kristin cautions that her rating would be at LEAST a 2 if you are scared of poltergeists!!!
In Seasons 1 & 2, we kept a tally of some of our favorite Mulder + Scully-isms.
Then we got tired, so now you keep count.
Significant Eye Contact
Scully is a Medical Doctor
Mulder Slide SHOW
Flashlights
