THE EX-FILES ABACUS

This is where YOU, beloved listener, can keep up with our X-Files scorekeeping for all Mulder and Scully’s “isms.” Watch along and stay up-to-date with the eX-Files podcast and let us know if you spot more that we missed! This is important work, trust us.

Current as of: Season 2, Episode 24: “Our Town”

Significant Eye Contact

Scully is a Medical Doctor

eX-Files SCARE-O-METER

Producer LaToya Ferguson, a self-described “scaredy-cat” ranks each episode for her fellow scaredy-cats on a scale of 1/5 so you can prepare, hide under the covers, etc.

S2E1 “Little Green Men”
1.5/5 What’s The Difference Between A Lap Dance & A Table Dances
spooky alien stuff

S2E2 “The Host”
5 (but really higher than 5)/5 I Hate This I Hate This I Am Quitting The Podcasts
endless body horror

S2E3 “Blood”
2.75/5 Experimental Pesticides Responsible for Violent Behavior
suspense, psychosis, gun violence

S2E4 “Sleepless”
1.5/5 Different Dyssomnias & Parasomnias

S2E5 “Duane Barry”
1.5/5 Psychopaths Who Took a Bullet in the Head
warning: strobe light use*

*”Duane Barry” episode time stamps for strobe light use:
18:40-19:02, 22:09-22:14, 22:41-23:00, 30:01-30:08

S2E6 “Ascension”
1/5 Turning One Man’s Religion Into A Crusades

S2E7 “3”
1.75/5 Writings On The Wall Written In The Victim’s Blood

S2E8 “One Breath”
1/5 Controlled Slides That Would Make Elena Gilbert Proud

S2E9 “Firewalker”
1.5/5 Seriously, We *Still* Have “Ice” At Homes
so much body horror

S2E10 “Red Museum”
1.4/5 Kids As Guinea Pigs

S2E11 “Excelcis Dei”
1.15/5 Mushrooms We Take To Speak To The Dead
cw: sexual assault, abuse of disabled

S2E12 “Aubrey”
2.375/5 Mutator Genes That Have Activated Previously Dormant Genes

S2E13 “Irresistible”
3.475/5 Devils In A Buttoned Down Shirt
cw: graphic violence against women, sex workers

S2E14 “Die Hand Die Verletzt”
3/5 Crap That’s On Geraldo

S2E15 “Fresh Bones”
2.3/5 Trace Levels of Tetodotoxin

S2E16 “Colony”
1.3/5 Forces That I Came To Believe Were Extraterrestrial

S2E17 “End Game”
1.05/5 Orders From My Ophthamologist

S2E18 “Fearful Symmetry”
1/5 Very Big, Very Willful Animals

S2E19 “Dod Kalm”
1/5 Wrinkle in Times (Wrinkles in Time?)

S2E20 “Humbug”
3/5 Tabernacles of Terror

S2E21 “The Calusari
2.2/5 Problems with the Wiring

S2E22 “F.Emasculata”
2.35/5 Chances the Men Who Escaped are Infected
GROSS RANKING 5/5 I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT

S2E23 “Soft Light”
1/5 Shadows Cast

S2E24 “Our Town”
1/5 Outsiders We Have To Deal With

S2E25 “Anasazi”
1.25/5 Trained Killers, School of the Americas Alumni

—————

S1E1 “Pilot” • 2.5/5 Grey Metallic Implants
S1E2 “Deep Throat” • 1/5 Budahases
S1E3 “Squeeze” • 4/5 Ripped Out Livers**
S1E4 “Conduit” • 1/5 Middle Of The Night Sunburns
S1E5 “The Jersey Devil” •1.5/5 Gnawed Off Appendages
S1E6 “Shadows” • 1/5 Abnormal Post-Mortem Muscle Reflexes***
S1E7 “Ghost In The Machine” • 1/5 Non-Murderous Scruffy Minds
S1E8 “Ice” • 3.5/5 Droppin’ My Cargo For No Ones
S1E9 “Space” • 1/5 Sculpted Human Faces
S1E10 “Fallen Angel” • 1/5 “Meteors”
S1E11 “Eve” • 3/5 Tender Hearts In A Blender
S1E12 “Fire” • 2/5 Three-Pipe Problems
S1E13 “Beyond the Sea” • 1/5 Thousands of Souls Entering My Body
S1E14 “Genderbender” • 2.5/5 Ultimate Sex Magnets
S1E15 “Lazarus” • 1/5 Love Affairs I Almost Envy
S1E16 “Young At Heart” • 1/5 Funerals for Fox’s Friends
S1E17 “E.B.E.” • 2.75/5 Governments Within A Governmen
S1E18 “Miracle Man” • 1/5 Hallelujah, Praise Gods
S1E19 “Shapes” • 1.5/5 Awoos
S1E20 “Darkness Falls” • 2.95/5 We Have “Ice” At Homes
S1E21 “Tooms” • 3.475/5 Separate Standards for Agent Scully and Agent Mulder
S1E22 “Born Again” • 1/5 I Swear We’ve Seen This Episode Multiple Times Already This Season…
Only Now There Is Origami
S1E23 “Roland” • This episode was skipped so we could do a deeper dive episode on the treatment of
autistic /neurodivergent characters in 90s media next season +
S1E24 “The Erlenmeyer Flask” • 1/5 Trust… Trust… No One

**Rating taken from episode guest and fellow scaredy-cat, Hrishi Hirway
***Kristin cautions that her rating would be at LEAST a 2 if you are scared of poltergeists!!!